本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:27 编辑
望月怀远 Watching the Moon and Missing You Far Away 张九龄 by Zhang Jiuling
海上生明月，天涯共此时。 情人怨遥夜，竟夕起相思。 灭烛怜光满，披衣觉露滋。 不堪盈手赠，还寝梦佳期。 From the vast sea rises the moon so bright, Though so far apart we share the same sight. For the endless night I sentimentally frown, The whole night in my lovesickness I drown. Blowing out candles for a room of moonlight, I put on a robe and feel dews
cold and white. Unable to hold and send you the moonbeam, I return to sleep and meet you in my dream.
译于2008年11月26日。
【许渊冲译本】
Looking at the Moon and longing for one far away
Over the sea grows the moon bright; We gaze on it far, far apart. Lovers
complain of long, long night; They rise and long for the dear heart. Candle blown out, fuller is light; My coat put on, I’m moist with dew. As I can’t hand you moonbeams white, I go to bed to dream of you.
【自娱自乐译本】
Version 1
Beholding the moon while thinking
of my love one afar From the vast sea the bright moon is rising, Though far apart we can see the same thing. Emotively I scold the eve for tarrying so long, For the whole night my love gets too strong. My candle is out in favour of the moonlight, I put a robe on because of some dews-bite. I can't send you a handful of the moonbeam, So back to sleep to seek a tryst in my dream.
Version 2 Beholding the moon while thinking of my loved ones afar From the sea the bright noble disk is rising, Apart yet we behold the same moon shining. Loving ones scold the eve for tarrying longer, For tonight their bonding love grow stronger. Candle's blown out to enjoy the moonlight, I put on a robe for such a damp dewy night.
I can't send you a handful of the moonbeam, So back to sleep to seek a tryst in my dream. ===================== 茫茫的海上升起一轮明月， 此时你我都在天涯共相望。 有情之人都怨恨月夜漫长， 整夜里不眠而把亲人怀想。 吹灭蜡烛怜爱这满屋月光， 我披衣徘徊深感夜露寒凉。 不能把美好的月色捧送你， 只望能够与你相见在梦乡。
自娱自乐
沙发
发表于 2009-12-13 12:55:00 |
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:27 编辑
好嘛，无心君，你太厉害了。 Ok, try the first two lines for fun so as to show how supportive I am ...hehehe The bright moon rises from the vast sea, Though apart, the same sight we now see.
童天鉴日
板凳
发表于 2009-12-13 14:31:00 |
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:27 编辑
翻译有新意，并且提供了一种思路。谢谢无心剑老师的分享。
自娱自乐
地板
发表于 2009-12-13 17:33:00 |
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:27 编辑
Ok,
give it a try for fun! Beholding the moon while thinking of my love one afar From the vast sea the bright moon is rising, Though far apart we can see the same thing. Emotively I scold the eve for tarrying so long, For the whole night my love gets too strong. My candle is out in favour of the moonlight, I put a robe on because of some dews-bite. I can't send you a handful of the moonbeam, So back to sleep to seek a tryst in my dream.
许渊冲译文，诸君共赏。 望月怀远 Looking at the Moon and longing for one far away 唐-张九龄 Zhang Jiuling 海上升明月，Over the sea grows the moon bright; 天涯共此时。We gaze on it far, far apart. 情人怨遥夜，Lovers complain of long, long night; 竟夕起相思。They rise and long for the dear heart. 灭烛怜光满，Candle blown out, fuller is light; 披衣觉露滋。My coat put on, I’m moist with dew. 不堪盈手赠，As I can’t hand you moonbeams white,
还寝梦佳期。I go to bed to dream of you.
无心剑
8#
楼主| 发表于 2009-12-13 21:21:00 |
回复 8# 薛湃 的帖子
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:28 编辑
许译简洁优美。
海外逸士
9#
发表于 2009-12-13 23:59:00 |
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:28 编辑
天涯共此(時) [Though so far apart we share the same sight.] same night or same time? [thinking of my love one afar] "my love" is enough, or say "my loving one". [the same thing] not thing, but time or night. dews-bite dew doesn't bite, frontbite.
自娱自乐
10#
发表于 2009-12-14 08:13:00 |
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 17:28 编辑
原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-12-13 23:59:00 发表 天涯共此(時) [Though so far apart we share the same sight.] same night or same time? [thinking of my love one afar] "my love" is enough, or say "my loving one". [the same thing] not thing, but time or night. dews-bite dew doesn't bite, frontbite.
1.
能在不同的地方观看同一个明月这不就已经点明了 - ‘the same night and time'. By the way, in terms of your theory, so no any other options left for any one to do it but one word - time, for 'night' means 夜晚，not 时, though I have to agree with you, 'night' could be better than 'sight', which also doesn't hurt the rhyming. 2. Thanks for that, yep, I didn't clean it up properly. 3. Well, frankly speaking, the moon is a thing, of course, it would be much better to say something nicer in lieu of 'a thing', which is a
bit too rough or coarse, for this is a poem, therefore I'd like to thank you for that too. 4. hehehe, I know, my dear friend, it was just my way of mucking around. I tried to have some fun, so I coined this one. Don't worry, I fix it up soon. All in all, I really appreciate your time and tips. Cheers :P
